Guide to Moral Living in Examples: Three-Dimensional Movies

Snow drifted down past the torches of the local moving picture emporium and landed on the fur caps and bare, muscled shoulders of a group of cyclops. They hefted their signs in the air as they chanted.

"We have one eye! Your tickets we won't buy! To a discriminatory technique! Your process of foresight is weak!"

The cyclops were not known throughout the land as the best slogan-makers, but rare and short-lived were the critics as the cyclops were known throughout the land as the best corpse-makers.

That is why the wizards who operated the moving picture emporium and had developed the decried technique sequestered themselves in a garret tower high above said moving picture emporium. They dropped a magic can tethered to a magic string down from the garret and yelled down for the cyclops to use it to talk.

"We do not appreciate your new moving picture technique," said Throwemfar, the spokescyclops into his end of the magic can device.

"I don't understand," said Hugh the thaumacinematographer and dues-paying member of the Jobs With Long Titles Guild, holding the other can to his ear after he'd said his piece.

"Your moving picture technique with multiple planes of light striking two separate eyes is a discriminatory practice that could only have been conceived of by the dimmest imbeciles who should not be the craftsmen and craftswomen of dramas of light and pictures. Perhaps you could persue a mining career with the cave dwarves," said Throwemfar. Hugh needed neither the magic can nor magic string to hear the cheer of the cyclops on the street far below.

"I resent that implication! We never hire women! I am offended," Hugh said.

"You can take your turnaround tactic and shove it straight down your incantation hole," Throwemfar bellowed. "Your so called 'three-plane' visuals with their required magic goggles do us no good. You have no one-eyed goggles, and besides, your system relies upon two eyes and a bit of visual trickery, nothing more. To our mind, your system only innovates that despicable process of separating fools from their money!"

"What do you want from us?" cried Hugh. "We cannot stop using it! Look at the line that you're picketing past."

"Oh, we don't want you to stop using it! We just want a cut," replied Throwemfar.

"Hey!" yelled one of the other cyclops. "You said that we'd be smashing things to bits."

"Yeah!" hollered one of the other cyclops.

"Yes, yes, I know that was the original plan," said Throwemfar, "but violence is the last refuge of the weak and, well, poor. We'll be flush after this deal."

"But what of the, whazzit, prince'pal?"

"Do you mean 'principle?'" asked Throwemfar with a sigh.

"Yes, the bit where we get respect," replied the cyclops.

"Respect doesn't matter when you have money," said Throwemfar.

The assembly paused for a moment. Then one of the assembly spoke and broke the silence.

"Dragon hooky. Throwemfar sounds like them wizards, and we know they ain't go any prince'pals. Let's burn the place down!"

The Moral: foresight has little to do with reputation and everything to do with the magic crystals mined by the cyclops that show the future.

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