Guide to Moral Living in Examples: Minecraft

"Charlie, this is a terrible article," Editor Strauss said, throwing the sheets of paper into the garbage bin.

"W-well, Mr. Strauss, I think you'll see that-"

"See nothing! I won't see anything because I'm not going to read the rest of the article! You've buried the lead! It's well into the second paragraph before I find it," Strauss said. He unwrapped a cigar, circumsized it, and waited until he had a cloud of smoke floating around his head that a forest fire would envy before he continued.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, Charlie. You bury the lead, you bury the lead, you bury the lead. There. A thousand and three times. I want you to get out of here, stop wasting my time."

"B-but Mr. Strauss!"

"Too bad, kid. Maybe you could be an accountant instead of a reporter."

Charlie's shoulders slumped as he trudged out of Editor Strauss' office. He paused, once, at the door to the newspaper room, smelled the odor of ink and anxious sweat and chain-smoked cigarettes. He heard the roar of the machines below the floorboards and watched nails jiggle out of the slats.

He went home, poured himself a glass of water from the creaky old sink, and sat down at his typewriter. He began to write a new story.

After a long, exhausting night, he took his finished piece into Editor Strauss' office.

"Charlie," Editor Strauss said, "I told you to scram."

"I have an article about breaking news. Edward Bunfly has been brutally murdered and his corpse hastily inhumed in a patch of dirt on the edge of town."

"What?!" roared Editor Strauss, leaping from his chair. "THE Edward Bunfly? Star of LTM Studios?"

"Yes," Charlie said.

"And why haven't I heard about it?"

"Because it hasn't made the news, yet, sir," Charlie said. He handed his article to Editor Strauss.

"This is brilliant! You didn't bury the lead!"

"Not in the article, no," Charlie said, keeping his hands in his pockets. He couldn't get Edward's blood out from around his fingernails.

The Moral: Don't play Minecraft, because it teaches you to bury the lead. Or not even write a lead to start with.

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