"Mr. Rockjaw," said Regina Riasonovski, "your insertion point will be here." She indicated the top of a mountain in a zoomed-in view above the Swiss Alps.
Hank stopped staring at Regina's curves and squinted at the image projected on the screen. "Won't the Nazis suspect something when a helicopter drops me into their backyard?"
"Many skiers and thrill-seekers are helicoptered to a dozen or so peaks in this area, which is fortuitous for us that the Nazis chose to build their secret base there. Nobody will realize what is going on until we strike!" Regina said, grabbing the air in front of her as if seizing a floating snake, and clenching her fist as if to choke it.
The Directrix of the Covert Secret Ops Agency, Lucille Saxon, cleared her throat. "Don't you think that it's time to take your medicine?" she said quietly. Lucille always talked quietly, this woman who had been in a dozen conflicts around the world as a front-line soldier, this woman who was said to keep a human ear in one of her desk drawers, this woman who had the wretched habit of knocking to enter a room after an agent had finished venting about her and never betraying that she heard a word until months later when the agent is sent on a special mission to a garbage dump.
"Ah, of course," Regina said. She took a long quaff from a silver flask on the table next to her. She burped.
"My kind of woman," Hank thought to himself. Out loud, he said: "And what is my goal once I've infiltrated the base?"
"Your goal is to steal a laptop in, urp, Herr Oblong's office," Regina said. She had a hiccuping fit. "It's one of a few, one of several. Five! It's one of five in the world with the Nazi's plans to rejuv...rejove...renew their organization and begin the Fourth Reich." Regina raised her hand like she was in grade school.
"Can I be excused now? I'm not feeling too swell," Regina said.
"Of course," Lucille said. Regina gave Lucille and Hank a dazzling smile that made men weak in the knees until her eyes became glassy, she screwed up her face, made a very unpleasant noise somewhere in her upper stomach area, and rushed out of the room with a hand over her mouth.
"You really should lay off the poor girl with that 'medicine' hogwash. That paint thinner that you've got her drinking is going to destroy her liver," Hank said.
"The CSOA, as a rule, doesn't give one single shit about her health as long as we have her expertise. That woman could run the world, and bring peace across the globe, I'd wager. We have taken that bird of paradise, shall we say, and clipped her wings so that we may enjoy her company instead of having her flying off. But Regina is not the issue here. What is the issue is that you must be covert about this. The Nazis have re-doubled their security after your little 'negotiation' with them in the Amazon. The plume could be seen for miles!" Lucille said.
"They were kidnapping kids and forcing them to clear-cut the forest at gunpoint!"
"The CSOA, as a rule, doesn't give-"
"one single shit about kids?" Hank finished.
"Correct. Children only matter where their parents can be manipulated. Granted, I suppose they're cute and all and my nieces and nephews have a place at family parties because who else will distract us when the conversation turns to classified information, but on Agency time we cannot care. You were meant to plant a surveilance bug in the Nazi base, not blow it to hell."
"I'll try to do better. I really will," Hank said, giving Lucille his best Boy Scout grin, which he'd had to learn by himself because he was banned from Scouts after he tamed a bear on a camping trip and rode it around the encampment.
"Good. Your helicopter is waiting for you."
Hank got up to leave.
"Hank," Lucille said when he'd reached the door. He paused. "Stop these bastards."
"I'll do my best."
The Moral: if your medicine smells like your uncle, get a new doctor.