Guide to Moral Living in Examples: Hank Rockjaw in 200 Pounds of Destruction! Part 3

The sun sparkled on the alpine snow, high in the Swiss Alps, and its brightness washed out the brilliant colors of the flaming wreckage of an ex-helicopter, rendered a twisted pile of metal and fuel by a Nazi missile.

Out of a snowbank shot a hand, and following the hand came the rest of Hank Rockjaw's body. He threw himself on top of the snow and gulped the air as he zipped up the fly, never feeling so glad that he'd boarded a plane without emptying his bladder. He'd taken a piss while in the snowdrift to figure out which way was up as he dug himself out.

He stood up and went to the wreckage. In the distance he watched the white glint of the helicopter pilot's parachute disappear against the white mountaintops. At least the pilot had survived. Hank dug out his skis and began working his way towards the Nazi base. So they knew that at least his corpse was here and would be searching for it.

A trio of Nazis came slogging out from behind another mountain, gradually making their way towards the helicopter. They opened fire with machine guns, spraying the cold mountainside with hot lead, but Hank dodged and aimed his skisfor the center of the trio. At the last minute, he stuck out his arms and clotheslined two of Nazis like they were his t-shirts on washday.

The final Nazi turned and ran, but the Nazis were not properly equipped with alpine gear and Hank caught up with him and snagged him by the collar.

"Listen up, you damn Nazi, you'd better loosen up your tongue if you don't want me to loosen up a few teeth!" Hank said.

"I am sorry for shooting at you!" the Nazi blubbered.

"You don't have a German accent!" Hank said. "Where are you from?"

"Milwaukee!"

"I hate Wisconsin Nazis!" Hank said. "Where's the Nazi base? Where did that missile come from that destroyed my helicopter?"

"Just over in the next valley," the Nazi said, gesturing behind him. "Please, let me go! I promise that I'll give up all my fascistic tendencies!"

"Nice try, Nazi," Hank said, grabbing the man by the back of his parka and dragging him over the snow as he set out for the Nazi base. He was able to follow the tracks of the search party. "You're coming with me. If I let you go right now then you'll just become more of a fascist, believing that people like me should be thrown in jail or shot."

The Moral: save the planet, use clotheslines (on Nazis)

Continued Here!

Part 2

Part 1

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