Guide To Moral Living In Examples: Banana Peels

Let's talk about Marvin and Timothy, two best friends who live in the city. Marvin is having a hard time finding a young woman with whom he would like to go steady, and indeed is becoming more and more flustered by members of the opposite sex with each declined offer of a date.

Timothy doesn't like to see his friend's confidence ebb, and thinks that a boost to Marvin's wardrobe would help. Timothy, unfortunately, has very little money because he was victimized by a white-collar crime that involved a brick, a wool sock, and a Catholic priest. On the plus side, Timothy is an excellent dumpster diver, and digs around in the trash behind a mall. Success! Timothy has found a terrific pair of jeans in Marvin's size!

Timothy brings the jeans to Marvin. Marvin tries them on, and look! They fit like a dream and conform to Marvin's athletic butt cheeks!

Did you get them out of a dumpster? Marvin asks.

No, Timothy lies.

Brilliant, Marvin says.

And wouldn't you know it, that very evening Marvin strikes up a conversation with a young lady of his acquaintenance who has a certain sort of admiration for Marvin. They arrange a date!

Marvin is ecstatic. The pants have made all the difference!

That evening, Marvin arrives at his date's house. She looks exquisite that night, and Marvin himself looks great in his jeans. On their way to the restaurant, Marvin's date asks him if he has a tissue. She's smudged a bit of lipstick. Marvin says, I think so, let me check my pocket. None in the pocket with his wallet, none in the pocket where he holds his keys, none in the pocket with his cell phone. He reaches into the fourth pocket, one which he never uses, and his hand closes around something warm and slippery. With dawning horror, he extracts a blackend, rotten banana peel with several suffocated ants clinging to it. His date screams and does a barrel roll out of the car.

The Moral: Be a friend. Never throw away banana peels, always incinerate them.

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